Burlap Hammer: Musings -1 year later

Spring 2016

1 Year Later

I started the Hadi Banner Tour a year ago at Gulf Wars XXIV in honor of my fallen peer, mentor, friend and brother. As I end my 1 year quest, I am taking the time to review.

At the time of his passing, my SCA participation was token at best. I was a local participant that rarely leaves the home group. I was a member of the SCA that barely did anything the SCA stands for. I had recently become Seneschal of Easaraigh again after being Reeve for several years. My SCAdian life was one of minimal service to the local group and nothing more. I had little meaning or substance in my SCA.

Hadi's passing made me re-think many things. My relationship with him was something I have thought long and hard about this year. He was a big brother and father-like at times when I was younger. He was my best man. He was a friend at all times. He was what I needed him to be. I never asked much of him, nor did he ask much of me. We never talked a lot. But, when we did it was meaningful to us. He was important to me. I felt his loss deeply and still do. Time has dulled some of the emotion, but not all.

As an outlet for my grief, I turned back to the world he and I shared and where much of my memories of him reside. I have rediscovered the SCA to some extent. I think I still have further to go, but I have found a new comfort with the SCA that I had lost. Many say the SCA is different now. I agree. The 50 year SCA is much different that the 20 something SCA I started out in. But, it's beating heart is still there. I have heard it late at night in the quiet of the event and in the joy of a fighter practice. You just need to pay attention. The pulse is strong.

I returned to the fighting field. I found I can still hold my own. Im not overly impressive, but have a few surprises for the unwary. Few on the field these days remember me in armor. Many of the fighters I saw as equals in my early days are Archdukes in their own right. Many more are peers. Some of the opponents I cross paths with are little more than half my age now. It can be daunting, but challenging as well. And everyone is so much more better trained these days.

A good portion of the chivalry I see in my area are of the lineage of the tree I share with Hadi's belt. It is humbling to know that and see it. Peer lineage in the SCA is a funny thing where 'generations' are so close together you get to see 3, 4 or even 5 generations on a field at the same time.

I have met many new peers and witnessed a few elevations. They are a lot different now than when Hadi was elevated. But, no less special. We have some very good peers in my region. Ive enjoyed meeting them. Both old and new, they all uphold the dream well.

I have found pleasure rendering service to others again. Its a thing that I learned well in house Aspiring as a young man. The real art and joy of it is not doing things because you were told or asked, but perceiving a need and fulfilling it. Its a simple thing but elusive. I still have room to improve. I think Ive had some successes though. Even more important to me, I think I have helped mold and influence others with the mindset. Once you start, its hard to stop.

While I haven't been to as many events as I had hoped since GW XXIV or met as many people as I wanted, I was more SCAdian in the past year than I have been in years. I rekindled some stagnant friendships, rediscovered some lost friends and made many new ones. I'm thankful for them all. Several stories have been shared over the year involving Hadi. Some long, some short, but all special and emotional and full of joy. Thank you.

New and old friends have made this year bearable on the front end and eventually enjoyable as my grief was replaced by fond memory. Many have offered support and have allowed me to speak to you in confidence. I thank everyone who has put up with me, shared conversation with me and just allowed me to take part in your version of the SCA.

Ive refocused my efforts on my Shire. Easariagh has always been a small group that ebbs and flows from struggling to strong. She has good footing these days I think and I hope that bodes well for the future.

Additionally, Ive decided to continue my apprenticeship and have started my search for a new mentor. I think Im going about it the right way. I hope I am. As I search for a new guide, if you see me, any advice you might care to share will be appreciated.

So, now I walk the same old path with renewed effort in an older more mature SCA with the memory of my fallen peer in my heart. While I don't currently have a mentor sharing the path with me, I do not feel alone.